Questions to Ask
Desire answers direct questions badly and good questions slowly. Ask anyway.
Before an evening at VLVT — or any evening that matters — the most useful ritual costs nothing: a glass of WINE, a low light, and questions asked without an agenda. Not to plan the night. To find out who is arriving in it.
To ask yourself, privately. What am I curious about that I have never said out loud? When did I last feel desired — and what was happening? What would I try if no one I know could ever find out? Which answer in this list surprised me?
To ask each other, slowly — one or two per evening, never the whole list. What do you want more of from me — not in general, tonight? What is something you have imagined and never requested? When do you find me most attractive — the moment, not the outfit? What is off the table tonight, and what is newly on it? If we attend and separate for an hour, what do you want to be able to tell me at midnight? What does aftercare look like for you — what do you need when the evening ends?
The rules of the ritual. Answers are received, not litigated. Curiosity is not commitment — saying a desire aloud obligates no one to act on it, tonight or ever. And the listener's only job is to make the next confession easier than the last one.
Some couples do this in the car outside the venue. The ones who have been members longest do it the night before, unhurried — because the questions, it turns out, were the foreplay.
Suggested Resources:
Where Should We Begin — A Game of Stories — Esther Perel's card deck; the mechanism, made physical.
{The And} by The Skin Deep — card decks for couples at every depth of acquaintance.
